I am pretty sure you have read where I said that I did not realize how big I had gotten. And until just recently I really thought that was true!!! I kept saying, "when I look in the mirror I am looking myself in the eyes." I would say, "I knew I was big, but I just didn't really see it." Apparently I was a big fat (pun intended) liar! I recently went shopping for some capri pants since my old ones don't fit. Even now when I put on what I affectionately call my "fat pants", I really cannot remember myself being that big. And these aren't the type of "fat pants" that you save for PMS days, these are the type that I could probably wear with someone else in them WITH me. (Yes, really... albeit a very small person.)
As a result of my weight loss I have lost several clothing sizes, 6 to be exact. I have gone from an 18 to an 6 and I am still going! (WOW it was hard to type that out!) As I have been shopping I have really struggled with finding things that fit me.... mostly because I am not familiar with how things look when they are too big. It honestly confuses me when I look in the mirror! The first time I went into the fitting room and knew the clothes looked bad and tried on a size SMALLER (size 6), I honestly sat down in the fitting room and cried. After all... it has been a LOOONG time since I had that issue! I really never thought I could be this successful! I tried losing weight a million times and would lose a few lbs and then hit a plateau. Of course, now I know it was because I was not REALLY committed.... but I certainly felt like I was!
This process has shown me a new level of strength that I never knew I had!!!
Hi Carrie! Casey (Kallenberg) Dunn here - co SAPC alum. This post resonated so much with me because my freshman year at the drew I had NO IDEA how much weight I packed on. And since I was a broke freshman (and my parents are NOT believers in handing a credit card to their offspring) I had no way to buy any clothes. I was utterly flumoxed because some clothes I could still get on (as long as I breathed very lightly) but most things I couldn't wear at all any more. So I drank away the anxiety about gaining weight (super plan... especially for not gaining MORE weight.... rriigghhttt...) struggled to wear what at least would go on, and lived in as much denial and ignorance as humanly possible. It wasn't til I started losing the weight that I realized how far I had to go. I remember my parents came to visit me at the summer camp that I worked for between freshman and sophomore year and the first words out of their mouths were: "Oh we really thought you would have lost more weight by now." As harsh as it was, it was a huge wake-up call for me. It IS work. Hard work. and it never stops. I wish weight loss was like most other goals: you finally get there and then you can crown yourself victorious and then you're all down. But it's a way of life, a true commitment. It's so open, honest, and inspiring of you to put this out into the world. I am certain that you are in good company, and I am really enjoying your blog and seeing your successes. Congratulations, Carrie.
ReplyDeleteHey lady! It is a hard road to walk... especially alone. I know how you felt/feel! It is so hard to be fat..... but it is EVEN HARDER to choose not to be! But sometimes it takes the honestly of those around us (although harsh) to see the truth!
ReplyDeleteLove ya girl! Glad all is well now!