Why My Marriage Failed

It is interesting to look at relationships in the rear view mirror. They always say that hind sight is always 20/20, and I suppose that relationships are no exception to the rule. I have done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of years since I first said those dreaded words, “I think I want a divorce.” And I meant it. I THINK I want a divorce. (Note the emphasis there.) I wasn’t sure, but I knew things did not feel right.

Let me back it up for a minute- When I met my now husband, we worked together at a company that did not support relationships in the workplace. We had lots of laughs and we challenged each other conversationally, but we seemed to have very different interests at the time. Because we could not really be seen together for fear of work repercussions, we spent most of our time together at his apartment watching sports and movies and learning about each other through conversation instead of action. What I mean by that is, instead of saying “what do you want to do today” and then going and doing it, we would talk about what we would have enjoyed doing if we were able to get out and do stuff together. This is a really important part of our history, as it turns out. Life for he and I had its ups and its downs, but to be honest- the downs certainly seem to come to the forefront. We met and lived through the demise of an entire company that we both loved working for. The day they went bankrupt, I realized that it wasn’t just me that was affected, it was WE. Within a month, he stood by me during one of the hardest times of my life. My mother was diagnosed with cancer, had her right lung removed due to complications when they attempted to remove the upper lobe (with the cancer), and was put in a medically induced coma to give her a chance at survival. When they started to wake her up after about 5 weeks, my step father asked me to take him to the doctor because he was having some issues, and he was also diagnosed with cancer and had emergency surgery to remove his left kidney. I was dating my now husband during this time, and he was the one stable thing in my life. We ultimately ended up moving to Charlotte when I got an offer there, and we spent the next 2 years of our life there in relative solitude. I had work and after a couple months there he had work. We even had a few work friends, but none we spent any real time with outside of the office. I was on a journey towards fitness, and so I spent most of my time in the gym or at home where I could really control my eating and drinking the way I wanted to. Most nights were spent with me watching TV downstairs, and him upstairs playing games on his computer. This was our rhythm, and one we had become accustomed to. On the weekends I would go to the gym and go horseback riding, and he and I may go to the grocery store or to dinner together occasionally, but for the most part we did our own thing. We made a decision that we wanted to be in Richmond so that I could be closer to my mom and step dad, as their health was not the best. And so a month before we got married, I moved to VA and stayed with my mom. My then fiancé got a job at the same company about a week before we got married, and he started the day after we got back from our Honeymoon. Talk about a whirlwind! 

Where did we go wrong?

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

As it turns out, getting to know someone by conversation, when it is not backed up by action, creates some major challenges. When I say, “sex is extremely important to me, and I think it is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage” and then he says “sex is important to me too,” we may mean that in VERY different ways! In fact, that was the case for us. I have always been a sexual being that derives a true connection from sex. When you have a healthy sex life, it allows for room for other issues to be overcome because you have that crucial connection between the two of you. My husband and I had sexual issues long before we got married. He told me later, that sex just was not a priority for him. He said that his age made it so he was unable to satisfy me or give me what I needed. Because I loved him, I took strides to stifle my sexuality and sexual needs. I still tried to get him interested, there was lingerie and there was naked propositions. There were comments like “whatever you want, I will try it!” (Mom, if you are reading this- SORRY!) When I was rejected with nearly every attempt, I began to have my own sexual insecurities that I had never had before. A man not wanting to have sex? This just doesn’t compute to me. Women are raised to not just think that men want sex all the time, but to KNOW it. So that begs the question, “what is wrong with me?” More often than not, that rejection was met with my tears. Usually not in front of my future husband, but in my bed- alone.

When things got really bad in our marriage, one thing that he confessed to me was that he had been lying to me about his sexual issues, that he did want sex…. Just not with me. Now, he wasn’t cheating on me, you see… but he was self-servicing. Now- I know what you are thinking…. “Carrie, OF COURSE HE WAS! ALL MEN MASTERBATE!” Yeah, yeah…. I know. But, he had told me he wasn’t, and I believed him. After all, I also know that all men are sexual machines…. Right? But he still didn’t want me. He told me that I put too much pressure on him, that I could never be satisfied, and that I had caused this. He did say that he shouldn’t have lied about it….. (gee, that was big of him!) I was floored. I was crushed. I was broken. How could he lie about this? How could he watch me beg and beg for his sexual attention, and continue to turn me away? How could he listen to me sob into my pillow when he was a room away and not want to come comfort me? I had reached a point where I felt as though asking him for this attention was like asking someone in a wheelchair to get up and run a marathon with me- completely unfair and not even possible.

I still believe very strongly that a healthy sex life is an extremely important part of a healthy relationship, even more than I did before. After all, I thought that before in theory and now I know the reality of how detrimental a bad (or nonexistent) sex life can be on a relationship.

Lights, Camera, TECHNOLOGY!

Technology is the giant dog that lies between you and your loved one in the bedroom. You may be in the same place, but you aren’t really TOGETHER. This big ole dog drives a wedge between you and your significant other that can go unnoticed until it is too late. Sure, we all have cell phones, computers, TVs, and social media- but should we let this run our lives? Certainly not. Do we let it run our lives? We certainly do. When I think of the sexual dysfunction in my relationship, I cannot help but think if we had spent more time in bed together, that we naturally would have done the deed more frequently. After all, that is where the magic happens…. Right? Instead, I went to bed and he stayed up and played on his computer every night. Usually, World of Warcraft. He would wander into our room in the wee hours of the morning when I was deep asleep. I would be up, and active, sometimes even out of the house, before he ever even woke up. What if he had gone to bed with me just a couple nights a week? Would our story be different? When we were together, we were both on our phones. He would frequently tell me that I spent too much time texting or looking at Facebook, while he would be doing the same types of things. (We have always been good for pointing the finger at each other for some of the same behaviors we took part in.) We would be out, eyes down at our phones. How can you really connect with the person you spend the most time with, when you are engaging everyone on the internet before you engage them?? There is a simple answer really- you can’t. Now, I am not saying that you should go back to a home phone, a typewriter, and shut off the internet at home. (Though, how cool would that be!) What I AM saying is that prioritization is a choice. We need to choose more wisely.

What to do, what to do?

Here is a fact about relationships- it isn’t all about you. In fact, I now know that if I had focused my energy on making him happy and he had focused his energy on making me happy, we likely never could have failed. But we didn’t. We realized that when we were telling each other about what was important to us early on, we had our own interpretation of that. When I said “sex is important” and he said “sex is important,” we were both so impressed that we were aligned that we never wondered what the other person’s definition of “important” really was. When I kept asking my husband to go to events at the VFW with my family (that in fairness, were sometimes boring), he would stare at his feet and say, “if I have to.” Sometimes he would go, and he would sit there looking miserable. Enough times of that, and I finally started asking, but saying “you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” Enough times of him taking me up on that, and it became assumed that he wouldn’t go, and I just started saying “I am going to the VFW with my mom and George tonight.” There is a breakdown here on both of our parts. When you are in a relationship, it is part of your job to do the things that you don’t want to do, and that may not be fun, because they are important to your partner. Furthermore, it is important that you suck it up, put a smile on, and have a good time so that they don’t feel burdened by the guilt that they “dragged you there” or that you “aren’t having fun.” We are adults, we have to do things we don’t want to do sometimes. Own it. Live it. That’s life. On the flip side of that coin, we all need to identify what is important to us. For me, it was important that we spend time as a couple with my family. I have very little family, even less now, and I wanted him to be an active participant in that. I let the discomfort of making that known rule me, and I became resentful of him not being an active participant in our life together. So if what to do is the question, the answer is always “do for your partner, because it will always bring you both rewards.”

Dolla, dolla bills ya’ll!

Yeah, you hear it all the time. Finances create issues for many, many couples. Now I know what you may be thinking- “Wait- I am not special here?!” Sorry to be the pin to your balloon, but no, you are not. I have come to believe that money can be a lynch pin in your relationship regardless of if you have too much, not enough, or juuuuuuuuuust the right amount. Unless you are the lucky few who have the exact same opinion on how to manage money, how to earn money, how to save money, and how to spend money- there will be some challenges to face. For me, I was never comfortable with joint accounts. I felt like my then boyfriend talked me into them, and I finally said, “ok, but we will ONLY use this for joint bills.” He said ok, and we went along like that for a short period of time where he put money in the account, but I was solely responsible for the act of paying the bills. Then one day called and said “can I use the joint card for lunch for my team.” Since we only had enough money in there to cover standard bills with a smidge of cushion, I opened the account online to check what we had available, only to find out that he called AFTER he had made the charge, and subsequently over drafted our account. I was livid. I calmly (har, har) made the suggestion that in the future he either choose to ask for permission, or beg for forgiveness…. But asking permission when you have ALREADY DONE IT is nothing short of infuriating. He lost debit card privileges at that point (yes, I know that makes me sound like a mother) and got them back the year we got married…….. only to do the exact same thing again. Ugh.

I would strongly recommend that you have finance conversations early on, and often. I didn’t know what his credit was like, he didn’t know what mine was like. Did we have debt or assets? WHO KNEW?!?!?! Not us, we didn’t discuss it. Honestly, I don’t know what the answer is here, I have yet to figure it out. How do you pay joint bills without joint accounts? If you have one person who is anxious about joint accounts, what is the most effective way to help them overcome that (if that is the goal)? I can tell you that our approach did not work. I constantly felt strong armed, and like a mother that was policing his every move. He felt like he did not have enough visibility and like he was working for money but had no idea where it was going each month. Both feelings were fair, but we never took action to solve for those issues………… all I can say here is to keep the communication lines open and find a solution that you are both comfortable with, whatever that may be. If you do give one person the control over paying the bills, make sure the other person knows what is being paid, when, and why. I can remember when my dad died and he had controlled all of that, it was a mess for my mom and created WAY more stress for her in a time when that was the last thing she needed. So- plan for the worst, hope for the best.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Find out what it means to me, right?! Wrong again- find out what it means to you BOTH, and strive for it. One of the biggest issues in my marriage was our lack of respect for each other. He saw me as a woman who filled a role that he wanted for himself. I am social, educated, quick witted, charming, funny, I love to cook, I will clean, and his family (mostly) liked me. I saw him as calm, patient, smart, funny, and loving. He would be my cheerleader and tell me how much he loved my food and craft projects, and helped me to confront stressful situations with a more calm approach (which I badly needed to learn!). The fact is that he spent years taking advantage of me, and I spent years growing increasingly resentful of his lack of effort in our relationship. I began to feel like a mother, a maid, and a cook…. But not like a wife or lover. In turn he began to feel like a petulant child, always being scolded for his lack of action. I felt as though he pushed me into a place where I HAD to nag him. He has acknowledged that he did, because he grew up being nagged by his mother and to him, this equated to love. (Mothers- do women around the world a favor and don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys adult man children who want their wives to mother them.)

Together we did a lot of damage to our respect for one another. We let each other down on all of the items listed above. I felt like I could not count on him to do what was best for us, so I began to feel like I HAD to take the lead. He felt like I only cared about myself, and did not consider his needs. I remember watching some interview of a celebrity where the woman said, “we both have very dominant personalities, but at the end of the day I am comfortable deferring to him because I know he will do what he feels is right for us and our family.” I started crying. I had never once felt that my husband would do what was best for US. In fact, I had gotten to a place where I believed he would likely just take no action whatsoever. This was likely accurate. If I consider what he would think, he likely believed that in that same place I would choose to do what was right for me, and he would simply be a bystander. He was likely accurate. I knew he wouldn’t voice an opinion (leading to my belief of how he would react), and I learned that his lack of opinion made it necessary for me to make decisions that I felt to be the best. At the end of the day, I still hope to be in a relationship where I can say- “…..at the end of the day I am comfortable deferring to him because I know he will do what he feels is right for us and our family.”

When the end is nigh

The demise of a relationship is painful for everyone. When I say everyone, this includes the couple, their kids (if they have any), their families, and their friends. In an ideal world, all of these people have invested their time and love into the couple, and they will suffer a loss when it is over. Some couples have some major event that causes a split. She cheated. He hit her. There is a thing that they can look back and point to and say, “there it is! That is the minute it was over!” The fact is, it was over long before that, or they never would have gotten to that point. Other relationships suffer a more obviously slow and painful death, like mine. “No one did anything wrong,” you say. “We just fell out of love,” you say. The path to the end is no different, it is only the last straw that looks different. For me, it was when he couldn’t prioritize spending a week with on vacation when I was begging for him to help me save our marriage. It was when I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me and he said he would, but that he wasn’t capable of anything I needed him to do. It was when I got home and said to myself, “ok, I can do this on my own… I can find a way to be happy this way.” It was when I stopped relying on him for anything, because that felt like a way to guard my own heart. It was when I started going to marriage counseling by myself to try to find a way to deal with my life the way it was. It was when he allowed ALL OF THIS to take place. He has said that he would rather be miserable with me forever, than to get divorced. The simple fact is that I do not feel that way, and I will not spend my life in misery just to be able to say I never got divorced. I deserve more than that. I demand more than that, and so should you.

Regardless of what the last nail in the coffin was for you and your spouse, it does not make it any easier to live through it. It does not make it any easier for those same friends and family. They will do their best to support you, but recognize that it is hard for them too. They want what is best for you, and everyone will have an opinion of what that is. It is ok to talk to people, it is ok to not talk to them. Do what is right for you. If they truly love you, they will understand. If you flip flop on your decision, they will still be there to support you…. But everyone will have their own opinion. It is ok to say, “I need some time, I need to look at this from a different angle, please be patient with me.” The real friends will still be there to support you, no matter what decision you make. I am lucky to be surrounded by such friends, and have weeded out some that weren’t in the process. 

What is in a "Lifestyle Change"?

Well.... as it turns out the "Lifestyle Change" of making better food choices is tied directly to your overall lifestyle. I developed a plan and a way of living my life when we were in Charlotte that really made sense. I figured out the best way to limit and overcome temptation given the circumstances I was in. What I had not really faced or learned how to handle was what to do when totally outside of your comfort zone. What happens when everything changes? Well... in my case.... you falter.
In March 2011 I was down almost 100lbs, and I had a plan. I worked, I exercised, I ate well (at home). In April 2011, I changed jobs, moved back to VA, lived with my parents for a while, got married, went on a honeymoon, hubby got a new job, also moved to VA and lived with my parents, found a new place to live, and moved into a rental house. That was all in 30 days! I had done brief stints of travel during my weight loss where I faced challenges, but I was not prepared for this. All of a sudden I was back with family and friends and I wanted to be SOCIAL! Being social meant it was harder to make the right choices. For a while I was just having cheats, then the cheats turned back into what I did all the time. I knew the weight was coming back, but I had not really faced it. I would go through the motions of losing some of it, and justifying why I wasn't really committed. Now I have hit a point where I cannot do that anymore. When I think about why this all started, it was because I wanted to be healthy for myself and my future children.
Moral of the story- I cannot do this alone and it is silly to continue to beat myself over the fact that I need help. Once upon a time I was nearly 250lbs, and while I am not there now, I need to get this under control before I find myself shopping in the big girl section of the store once again. In Charlotte, I saw Dr. Marlowe (my fat dr- haha!) and his plan really computed with me. I was able to talk about what was driving my weight, and discuss ways that I could get my hands around this diet and make it work for me. Since I cannot drive to Dr. Marlowe, I have decided to go to a Medi Weight Loss clinic here in Richmond. My diet buddy in 2009 went there, and as such I know that their plan is almost identical to what I did with Marlowe. The biggest difference is that with Medi I will have weekly check ins. I love this. I need some accountability that I have not been able to self impose, and I am hopeful that this will be my path forward.
I will begin blogging again and hopefully this can be a lesson learned for so many. My first appointment is this Friday, and I will share my experience with you all. As it turns out, Choose Your Hard is right! Choosing the hard of keeping the weight off seems to be the biggest struggle of all.... but I am ready to lose it again and keep it off for good. With the help of Medi, I hope to learn how to keep my lifestyle change, and my lifestyle!
WISH ME LUCK!!!!! :)

"Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit."


— Conrad Hilton

Bird, Bird, Bird.... Bird is the word!

So, to brine or not to brine? That is the question. Well people- I can tell you that the answer in this house is now YES!!! Get that damn bird in the water! :)

Here is what I did-

I had a 12+lb organic (blah, blah, blah) turkey that I got out of the packaging, washed under cool water (inside and out) and pulled the neck and innards out, and any pin feathers that may be remaining. In case you don't know, in a turkey the innards usually come in a paper or plastic bag in one of the cavities of the bird. The neck is also in there, but not in a bag. Set those to the side. Then, I make the brine!

Brine-
I bought some brine bags from the store, they come with a twisty tie to seal them off and I put the bag inside of a 5 gallon stock pot.
In a pot on the stove, I heat 1/2 gallon of chicken stock with 1 cup kosher salt, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup splenda. Once those have dissolved.... Add 1/2 a gallon of room temperature chicken stock and 1 pitcher of ice. In the bag, add a palm full of multi-colored peppercorns, 2 onions- quartered, 8 garlic cloves- smashed, 4 stalks celery- rough chopped, 6 bay leaves, handful of fresh oregano, handful of fresh thyme, and a handful of fresh basil. Put all of this in the bag inside the stock pot, then submerge the turkey into the mixture. Go on... shove him down! Then seal the bag up, and put it all in the fridge. I recommend brining for at least 12 hours, but I had mine in for 16!

Next, take the bird out of the brine and pat it dry inside and out.

Then, I spent some time loosening the skin over the breasts-

Now, there are some opinions out there and I went with the "season under the skin" opinion. To make it easier, I took frozen unsalted butter and cut it into little pats. Then I seasoned both sides with dried Italian seasoning and pepper (because of the brine, it had enough salt!). Next, slip the butter pats under the skin on both sides of the bird. It looked pretty damn awesome if you ask me!!!!

Next comes the stuffing!

I made stuffing using 3 cups of celery, 2 cups of onions, some fresh Italian herbs that I grow (basil, oregano, thyme) and enough chicken stock to cover it all. Once the veggies are transparent, allow to cool for a bit and then add 2 packages of stuffing mix- I use Pepperidge Farm. and mix thoroughly. Add poultry seasoning to taste. If it is too dry, add some more stock or some water to get it to the right texture. Then stuff both ends of the turkey- yep... BOTH... and cover with the excess skin and secure with metal skewers. Once on the rack, coat with butter all over!!! This gives you that crispy skin! Also, make sure you cook the bird, breast side up and that you tie the drumsticks together or tuck them under extra skin if available. For the wings, they are best tucked under the bird as shown below.

If you have extra stuffing, put it in a greased pan and bake off later. Some people are odd about eating stuffing that was in the bird!

Put on a greased rack in a roasting pan. Then cover the bottom of the pan with chicken stock, water, white wine (WHATEVER YOU HAVE!) and whatever else you want in there! Kind of like the brine, this is all personal choice! I used chicken stock and water, with some herbs (same as previously listed) and some chopped onion and smashed garlic. Put in an oven that is set to 450 degrees. Once you put the turkey in, the temp will naturally drop. Once you close the door, allow the temp to get back to 425, then turn it to 325 degrees WITHOUT OPENING THE DOOR! If you open the door, you let the heat and steam out... and that would ruin all your work to this point! Turkey is notorious for being difficult to keep moist and this is an IMPORTANT step!

I cooked mine for about 16 minutes a pound. It is important to check the temp of your turkey and your stuffing prior to taking it out of the oven. However, remember that the temp will raise about 10 degrees after you take it out of the oven so if you wait too long, it will be over cooked!

If you follow these steps... you will end up with a delishous turkey that will make you and your family proud!

For slicing, we cut the legs and thighs off, then cut the entire breast in one cut and then sliced it. This way, everyone gets a bit of that indulgent crispy skin and the well seasoned meat. I HIGHLY recommend this!!!



Holidays... and keeping your eye on the turkey.. errr... ball. Keeping your eye on the BALL!

So... this is a preview of my Turkey day that I am SOOOO proud of... and a preview of me getting back on the wagon. As I sit here and watch The Biggest Loser 12, I am remembering who I was when I started this journey, and who I DO NOT want to be again. 

Because we were with Kyle's family for Thanksgiving, I wanted to do something with my family after the fact. Soooo.... I DID! Here, you can see the entire spread that I made for the event. Now, I will not say that everything was healthy.... BUT... I tried to make the right decisions where it was appropriate.

I made the following things that you will see me post about-

Brined turkey- stuffed

Home made stuffing

Sweet Potato Casserole

Asparagus

Rolls

Caesar Salad

Chocolate Opera Cake

I can tell you this... it was all a success!!!! I had an awesome time and was so glad that I made my family proud. As I look myself and my scale in the eyes (so... my scale has no eyes but you get the point!) I remember the day that I completed my "The Biggest Loser" application- one of the questions was to finish the following sentence- "Food is..."

Here was my answer- "Food is...." comfort, pain, happiness and sorrow. Food is communicating. Food is hiding. Food is telling people that you love them. Food is telling yourself you love you, but allowing you to continue hating yourself. Food is both amazing and evil, it just depends on the day. Food is the root of good, and the root of evil. Food is hatred and forgiveness. Food brings everyone together, and it pushes them apart. Food is about communicating, and the word I need to learn from it is "no!"

As you can see, I am going back to my roots that I had when started with this blog. I got a new gym membership on the wagon... and you can consider this girl BACK ON THE WAGON!

Grilled Chicken Noodle Soup

Yeah, you read that right! So.... as you MAY have seen I am doing a challenge to keep myself busy and coming up with new recipes for the CSA I signed up for. As part of that, I cooked a beer can chicken on the grill last night that I carved up and served for dinner. Because my hubby is SO SMART, he suggested that I save the carcass to use for some soup since I have been sick. So the chicken recipe can be found here (http://hebbcl.blogspot.com/2011/10/challenge-chipotle-and-pumpkin-polenta.html), but you can feel free to use any leftover chicken carcases you have laying around. I have frequently used a rotisserie chicken as my new "fast food" since I have been living this new, healthier lifestyle. You have to make changes to eat better... but even healthy people don't feel like, or don't have time for cooking every night. These chickens are available at almost every grocery, and certainly at every Walmart and are an easy go to. All you have to do is carve them up and put a salad out and voila! DINNER! OK, I got a bit sidetracked, back to grilled chicken noodle soup! Here were my steps-

I put 16 cups of water into my big dutch oven. (Honestly, other than the grill, I live for cooking things in this pot. It just rocks!!! I guess this is the best meal ever then, I got to use the grill AND the dutch oven!) Then I put in my grilled chicken carcass, plus the wings and the legs that were leftover from last night. I turned this on medium high heat and let it simmer away for an hour. Then I pulled out the wings and legs, allowed them to cool a bit, and used 2 forks to pull all the meat off and put to the side with the other leftover grilled chicken from last night (mostly breast and thigh meat) which I had already shredded.

Pull the carcass and other other bones out of the pot (dig all the way to the bottom of the pot because some small bones may have gotten loose during the cooking process) and discard them. Continue to let your pot simmer away... you now have chicken stock. NOW.... lets improve it!

Chop up 8 carrots and about half of a bunch of celery (be sure to include some of the leafy middle pieces, they have LOTS of flavor!!!), half of a chopped yellow onion, 2 chopped garlic cloves- and toss them in. Now... it is kind of a free-for-all! What I mean is... use your favorite herbs and make your soup your own. Your last name isn't Campbell.... and this ain't your momma's chicken noodle soup! I went this way with it- 1 tablespoon salt, 1/2 tablespoon black pepper, 1/2 tablespoon tarragon, about 1 tablespoon of fresh thyme (I didn't bother to take it off the stem), 3 bay leaves. Now let it keep simmering! Let it go for about an hour... but be sure it is a light simmer and not a boil! You don't wanna cook up your yummy broth! Note: taste this broth throughout the process after you add the seasonings to ensure it tastes good. You may need to add more salt or pepper as you go. Remember... after you have added noodles the time to season is basically gone!

When you are ready to add noodles, bring the soup to a boil. Then add 1/2lb of whole wheat noodles of your choice. I went with linguine and broke them in half. Cook according to package instructions and serve!   

This makes plenty... at least enough for 4 adults with leftovers! You can see how much it cooks down from the mark on the dutch oven-

Now if this doesn't make you feel better, what will?!?!?!

Challenge- Everyone loves a breakfast sandwich!

Ever since I saw the movie Spanglish with Adam Sandler, I have loved a breakfast sandwich! Just seeing the sheer joy he had... it has stayed with me. I have since considered this style of sandwich to be pure joy to both make and eat! For this challenge I used the following Dominion Harvest mystery box ingredients:

• Brown Eggs
• Bibb Lettuce
• Gouda
• Green Tomatoes

I also used:

• High quality whole wheat bread
• Bacon (Yes, I went for the real stuff. This sandwich is heaven, and heaven has no place for Turkey bacon!)
• Smart Balance Spread

First, start cooking your bacon. You need 4 slices for each sandwich. (Go ahead and cook the rest, it is basically a sin not to!)

Next, butter (it just sounds better than Smart Balance Spread) one side of each piece of the bread. You need 2 slices per sandwich, seems like common sense... but just in case! You want to put this in a pan and brown it nicely. At the same time, put either sliced or grated (this is the option I chose) Gouda on one side of the bread for each sandwich and melt it. Once these are done, set to the side.

Next, crack 2 of your brown eggs into a bowl. This serves two purposes, first it allows you to ensure no shell gets in, second, it allows you to control where it goes better when you pour it into the non stick pan. My preference is over easy eggs for these sandwiches, there is something so sinfully amazing about the yolk running out when you cut it! So if you go that route, pour into the pan so that the yolks and whites stay close together. This requires a slow pour into the pan and the use of a spatula to push the runaway whites in together. Be mindful of the size and shape of the bread you chose and try to push it into a similar size and shape. Top with a little salt and pepper and allow to cook gently. When they are lightly browned, flip the 2 eggs together. This might require 2 spatulas and some patience! Once flipped, salt and pepper the second side.

This starts the assembly phase of the breakfast sandwich! First, place the piece of bread that has the cheese on it, Gouda cheese side up on your plate. Then place your eggs on top of that. This may seem odd as most people put cheese on top, but when you go with over easy eggs you are looking forward to the runny goodness of the yolk- NOT the soggy ickiness that it can bring on your bread! The melted cheese helps to keep the breads form! On top of the eggs, put the 4 slices of REAL bacon, then 2 slices of green tomato, then 2 or 3 pieces of bibb lettuce! Again, the lettuce on top will help to protect the top piece of bread! Now comes the fun part, cut your sandwich in half and see the yummy golden deliciousness run out... this is good for smearing your sandwich in as you go. Of course, toss a few extra pieces of bacon on the plate and get ready for an AMAZING start to your day!!!!

Challenge- Chipotle and Pumpkin Polenta PLUS beer can chicken and a YUMMY salad!

Welcome! This blog will give you some Dominion Harvest Mystery Box ingredients, but will also outline a complete meal. WIN! I made a savory polenta, beer can chicken, and a salad that helped to brighten it all up!

First- The Dominion Harvest Mystery Box ingredients for this recipe were:

• Long Island Cheese Pumpkin (puree- recipe here- http://hebbcl.blogspot.com/2011/10/how-to-kill-long-islander-pumpkin-that.html)

I was inspired by a Rachael Ray recipe to make this polenta, but as usual, put my own spin on it. First, she always cooks with and recommends quick cooking polenta. To be clear- this does not exist in Richmond, VA. Instead, I went to the organic aisle at my grocery store (after googling "where to find quick cooking polenta in my grocery store" left me wondering around in circles) and found Corn Grits. It was not quick, but I just followed the instructions with a few variables. The instructions said to use 2 cups of corn grits with 6 cups of water. Instead, I brought 3 cups of chicken stock and 3 cups of water to a boil, then gradually added in the corn grits while stirring. Making real polenta (AKA not the quick variety) is a real time commitment... at least 30 minutes stirring... so bring in a radio and dance in front of the stove to entertain yourself. Yep... that is what I did! As the mixture thickened, I added 15oz of Long Island Cheese Pumpkin Puree, 2 tablespoons diced chipotle chilies in adobo sauce, 1 tablespoon butter, 1/4 cup nonfat milk. Save the milk until about 10 minutes are left to keep the mixture loose and not so gelatinous. In the last 5 minutes, stir in 1/4 cup of nice Parmesan cheese. Now, there are 2 ways to serve polenta, first is to spoon it out like grits. FYI- it will end up with the same Elmer's glue thing that southern grits do... if you can take that it still tastes great. If you can't, then you can pour it into an oiled dish and then flip the dish later and cut out to serve. For this, think Jello mold... it jiggles and wiggles but holds together! Top with a dash of Parmesan to serve.

For the beer can chicken-

Mix the following ingredients together-

1 tablespoon salt
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon cumin
1 tablespoon coriander
3 tablespoons dark brown sugar
1 tablespoon grill seasoning
1/2 tablespoon black pepper

Coat a whole 4lb chicken (that has been washed and dried with the innards removed) in olive oil and then use 3/4 of the spice mix to coat. Wrap in plastic and allow to sit for an hour.
Take a beer can and drink 1/2 of the can. Use a church key to open the mouth of the can up more, then put the rest of the spice mix in the can. Place the can on a foil pan, put your chicken over the can with the can and the legs acting as a tripod to hold it up straight, and put on your grill over indirect heat. Let cook for about an hour and a half. It will get very dark on the outside, but that is OK!

Once it is cooked through, carefully remove the beer can from the inside of your chicken. Remember... it will be HOT!!! I recommend using tongs and hot mitts!
Slice and serve!!!!

Fruit and Veggie Salad-

• 12 oz chopped pineapple with juices (get it fresh from the refrigerated section of your grocery!)
• 1/2 bunch of asparagus, trimmed and cut into thirds on a diagonal
• 1/2 red onion sliced
• 1/2 container (about 2 cups) of cherry tomatoes
• 1/2 red pepper, diced
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 1 tablespoon fresh chopped cilantro
• salt and pepper to taste

So... put it all in a bowl together and toss well.

At the last minute I decided to throw the entire thing on the grill after I got the chicken off. This added a yummy smokey flavor to it and it was incredible... I HIGHLY recommend it!!!

Here is the final product-

How to Kill a Long Islander- Pumpkin that is...Challenge: Pumpkin Cheese Cake

OK, so by Long Islander- I mean a Long Island Cheese Pumpkin. When I first saw this this name I thought WTF is that?!?!?! Then I saw it and it was pretty obvious. :) So for my mystery box challenge last week I had another squash and made a soup, which was truly delicious! But I felt that another soup this week (with the 2 quash I got) would be a cop out.... so I ended up making a couple recipes with this ingredient. First- here is how I prepped it!

Homemade Pumpkin Puree!

Here is my Long Island Cheese Pumpkin out of the box, kinda washed off-

Your first step is to cut his head off... in this case, his stem is his head. It was unfortunate but I think he knew what was coming. And lets be honest.... it is October so he should really be glad he got put to good use instead of having a face carved into him and left on someones front step to either rot or get smashed in the street by some unruly teenagers!

Next, cut him in half (and yes, this pumpkin will be a he throughout this process! HAHA!) Then scrape out all of the pumpkins seeds and guts. Kind of a nasty job, but someone has to do it! And in this case... YOU are someone! (If you are the type to like roasted pumpkin seeds, save these and roast them up later on. If you aren't, ditch them like I did.) Once each half is well seeded, cut each half into 4 pieces and put skin side down on a baking sheet.

Now, I know you are tempted to salt and pepper and coat in olive oil... but don't do it!!!! We are going to make a puree and we want a true pumpkin taste with this. Roast in the oven at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Once you get it out, flip so that it is skin side up and use a knife to peel off the skin. It will come off easily, and then put the tender meat into a food processor and puree until all chunks are gone. You will likely not need to add any liquid because squash is a very juicy. But if you find it is too dry, add a tablespoon of water at the time until you get the consistency you are looking for. You will likely need to do this in several batches. Here is the final BEAUTIFUL product!!!

For this challenge I used the following Dominion Harvest mystery box ingredients:

• Long Island Cheese Pumpkin (measure out 15oz)

Other Ingredients:

Crust:

• 1 3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 stick melted salted butter 

Filling:

• 3 (8-ounce) packages low or non fat cream cheese, at room temperature
• 3 eggs plus 1 egg yolk
• 1/4 cup non fat sour cream
• 1 1/2 cups Splenda
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
• 2 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

First- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

For crust:

In medium bowl, combine crumbs, sugar and cinnamon. Add melted butter. Press down flat into a 9-inch springform pan and up the sides about 1/4 to 1/2 of the way. Set aside.

For filling:

Beat cream cheese until smooth. Add long island cheese pumpkin puree, eggs, egg yolk, sour cream, Splenda and the spices. Add flour and vanilla. Beat together until well combined. Do not skimp on this step! If you do, the consistency will be all wrong!

Pour into crust. Spread out evenly and place oven for 1 hour. Remove from the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 4 hours.

As you can see- We dug in before I remembered to take a picture! It was great, but not the healthiest thing ever. The crust was to die for, what's not to like!

Challenge- Apple Pork Tenderloin with Apple Cider Green Beans

So if you ask me, this doubles as 2 challenges! I used mystery box ingredients to make a complete meal and also did an iron chef battle by using my apples throughout the meal! HOT DIGGITY! These two items really complimented each other but were different enough to make the taste buds happy!

First- I used the following ingredients from my Dominion Harvest mystery box-

• Apples
• Onions
• Green Beans

Other Ingredients-

• Pork Loin (normal package comes with 2 small or one big, this is fine but if you get one big one you will need to slice it length wise for this recipe)
• Stone Ground Mustard
• Bourbon
• Apple Juice
• Cinnamon
• Rosemary
• Salt and Pepper
• Olive Oil

First, dice one apple and cut another so that you leave the apple in a square. Then, slice the pieces of the apple so that they have 2 flat edges. (This will make sense in a minute!)

Next, lay 3 or 4 pieces of butchers twine across the short side of a lightly greased, shallow baking pan that is long enough for the tenderloin to fit without being bunched together.

Next, lay your tenderloin pieces out side by side. Again, remember that you need 2 pieces for this! Salt and pepper both pieces all over with a total of 1 teaspoon dried rosemary as well. Then, smear 1 teaspoon of the stone ground mustard along the entire length of one side of the tenderloin. This is going to be the "middle" once we put the 2 pieces together. Then, put one piece across the laid out butchers twine with the mustard side up. Cover the mustard with the diced apple. Then take the other piece of tenderloin and put it mustard side down on top of the first. (Note: most tenderloins have a thin end and a big end, try to match these up big end to thin end so that it cooks through evenly.) Then tie with the twine to keep them tightly together. You don't want those yummy apples escaping!!!

Now, pick up the tenderloin and lay the flatted pieces of apple under it. (See... I told you it would all make sense later!) Now, cook according to package instructions for the pork loin, for mine- it was at 375 for one hour.

Now, in a saucepan combine 1/2 cup apple juice, 1 tablespoon of the stone ground mustard, 1 tablespoon bourbon, and 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary and simmer until it becomes a nice glaze. (Honestly, mine was more of a liquid that I spooned over the meat in the last 15 minutes, but I think a glaze would work better next time.)

As I said, spoon over in the last 15 minutes of cooking several times. Also, once the meat is done cooking allow it to sit on the counter and rest to let the juices redistribute. Top with the glaze one more time for the resting period.

Now get another pan going with salted water till it boils. Then place trimmed green beans in the boiling water and allow them to blanch for three minutes. Drain and immediately submerge the green beans into ice water to stop the cooking process. Then drain again. Return the pot to the heat and coat with about a teaspoon of olive oil. Then add 1/2 cup of diced onion then top with salt and pepper and allow it to sweat for about 4 minutes or until translucent. Then add 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/2 cup apple juice. Allow to simmer until it has thickened (should only take a minute or two) and then add the green beans until thoroughly coated. Serve immediately. The process of cooking the green beans takes almost exactly the time you need to allow the juices to redistribute in the meat! And that is no accident!!! :)

This meal was incredibly delicious! I loved that when sliced the pork looked like a sliced apple! (The apple looks like the core!)

Challenge Week 2- What the HECK is that?!?!

Today brings another mystery box from Dominion Harvest (https://www.dominionharvest.com/), and a little confusion! Remember that paper I told you about? Well, this week the first item on the list is Long Island Cheese Pumpkin. If you are like me, you just said WTF is that?!?!? Hahaha... Well... should make an interesting week of coming up with recipes!

So... here are is the loot from week 2 group of Dominion Harvest!

One Long Island Cheese Pumpkin (as it turns out... this is a squash variety)

One Acorn Squash

5 Red Delicious Apples

4 Red Bell Peppers

1 Head Bibb Lettuce

4 Green Tomatoes (my instinct is to fry them, like the movie title says to... but that would fall a bit short of "healthy"!!!)

1 Dozen Brown Eggs

3 BEAUTIFUL ONIONS!!!

Green Beans

Okra

Gouda Cheese

I will try to come up with some interesting recipes but I will be honest, some of these items sound like more fun than others. I am gonna really focus this week and try to come up with some yummy recipes!

Let the games begin!!!